It was around this time last year (actually Dec. 2) when we began our first attempt at IVF. Here's the timeline that I wrote in my journal:
12-2 Start Follistim at 300 units in evening
12-3 A.M. Decrease Lupron to 5 units, Follistim still 300 units in A.M. and P.M.
12-6 Bloodwork in A.M. sonogram at 9:00 (showed I had 3 follicles on the left measuring 8, 8, and 9) and 2 follicles on the right measuring 8, and 4)
12-9 Blood work in A.M. and sonogram at 2:45 (showed only 4 follies that were a good size. There were others but they were way too small. We were probably going to have to convert this IVF to an IUI. I needed at least 10 good size follicles to make IVF worth it.
12-12 Blood work in A.M. and sonogram at 10:00
**My body failed me once again. I only made 4 eggs. I had to give myself the Ovidrel injection to induce ovulation of those eggs and prepare for IUI.**
12-13 and 12-14: IUI.
12-28 BFN
Oh, I remember being devastated when I found out we would not be able to go through with IVF. I was looking so forward to it, I was so full of hope and anticipation. I remember calling Chris and just crying to him and feeling so hopeLESS. I have to say, through all of this, Chris was always hopeFULL. There were so many times when I wished I could feel that way, but after so much disappointment and literally feeling my heart ache for a baby, I just kind of gave up and thought we might never be parents. I have never wanted anything so badly in my life and the thought of it not happening was almost too much to handle for me. I think I tried to prepare myself for the possibility of never having a baby because after everything we had gone through and tried, that was easier to believe. In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman: "The bad stuff is easier to believe." I hate that that's the way I felt at the time, but it is.
Now almost a year later, I feel my baby boy move inside of me and I just am so amazed. God never gave up on me....even when I gave up on Him. I remember one time I was sooooo angry at God. I was having a pity party for myself and I went to my car and just cried and pounded my fists and yelled at Him. I did the same to my husband. But, they never gave up on me.
I came across a text message that was sent to me from Chris on December 29, 2010. It said, "I am excited to move full steam ahead with IVF!!!" We were going to attempt it a second time after I did a few things to get really healthy. That text message made me so happy and gave me hope again. Little did we know we would receive the shock of our lives just 5 months later in May when I found out I was pregnant...without any medical intervention.
And now almost a year later, Chris and I are going to our first baby class and hospital tour tonight! WOW!!! Chris, thank you for sticking by me through all of this. I love you.
